Here are four Nigerian jokes that never did go
mainstream, but have always guaranteed laughter
in all who did hear.
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Plantains
Teacher: Kola, spell plantain
Kola: whish one? the lipe one or the unlipe one?
He asks "Which one? The ripe one or the unripe
one?", some people (like me) have trouble with the
'r', and with some people, it sounds like an 'l'
Teacher: what difference does it make? Just spell
plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na 'DODO',
if you fly the unlipe one na 'SHIPS'
if you loast am, na 'BORLI'
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I spell?
LONDON ZOO
A Nigerian youngster who was visiting the United
Kingdom for the first time was taken to the London
zoo for sightseeing. On getting to the section
where monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see
other tourists giving out plenty of money to the
monkeys that were hopping around doing
acrobatics. The more the acrobatics, the more the
tourists enjoyed the show and the more the money
(hard currency) the monkeys got.
This young man suddenly had an idea and when he
got back to Nigeria, he started learning all kinds of
acrobatics. He visited his medicine man and asked
for a portion that will transform him into a monkey.
During his next visit to London, he went into the
zoo and took the portion and was transformed into
a monkey. He joined the other monkeys and
started his own type of modern, systematic and
attractive acrobatics. He soon caught the attention
of all the tourists who wasted no time in showering
him with plenty of pounds sterling. He was now
making more money than the real monkeys.
The king of the monkeys didn't like this and
challenged the new monkey to an acrobatic duel.
The contest was tough and very keen but the new
monkey won. The king monkey had to go on exile
in shame but before he left he set a trap for the
intruding monkey who now became the new king.
The next day, monkey business started as usual,
with money coming in from the tourists. There was
this particular tourist who really enjoyed the show
that he threw a lot of money into the cage. The new
king pocketed his money but to his amazement all
the other monkeys threw their earnings into the
adjacent cage. The new king could not comprehend
this and would not allow all that money to go away
like that; so he jumped into the adjacent cage to
pick up the money. It was only when he got there
that he realized it was a lion's cage.
The lion looked at him, looked at the money and
roared and started toward the monkey who was
now sweating, shaking and foaming in the mouth.
Half way, the lion suddenly stopped, looked at the
monkey again and said:
"Oh boy, if no bi say we all na Naija, I for show
you."
Hungry and Broke
There were three men living together in London. An
Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They
were all starving because they didn't have money
to buy food.
However upon coming close to a posh London
restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they
decided to come up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being
seated, he ordered a three course meal with white
wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter
came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I
ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American
shouted! The waiter was very confused because
he could not remember being paid. But because he
did not want to cause any trouble, he let the
brother leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the
same restaurant and ordered a five course meal
with red wine. When he was finished eating, the
waiter came by to collect the money for the food.
"HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID
YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This
time the manager came and had to calm down the
West Indian, because he did not want anything to
upset the other customers. He let the guy go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you
know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette,
and ordered the most expensive meal on the
menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he had
finished, the waiter came to collect the money for
the meal, But before the Nigerian could say
anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been
having all sorts of problems all day and I can't
understand it. Two other people like you came in
earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but
I don't remember getting any money from them so,
" Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted,
rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU
OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST
WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!"
NNA, IYON AND KANABAR
An Akwa Ibom passenger once boarded a bus in
Lagos. The bus driver was an Ijaw man and the
conductor was a Calabar man.
The Akwa Ibom man said to the bus conductor, "Ah
de ko ori oro."
The conductor then told the driver, "Idi-oro wa O."
On the way, the bus had a flat tire. The Ijaw man
then told his conductor, "Zackson, get the zack,
make you put the spare tire. Make you no allow us
sleep for road in Nagos O."
The conductor cracked up in laughter, "Oka Yohn,
you dey call yack Zack, You no know say dem no
go understand you for Dagos."
One Igbo man then disembarked the bus in anger
and exclaimed, "Ekolo Gbeja mi, Malu fo soke."
mainstream, but have always guaranteed laughter
in all who did hear.
24/7 Live - Subscribe to the Pulse Newsletter!
Subscribe
Plantains
Teacher: Kola, spell plantain
Kola: whish one? the lipe one or the unlipe one?
He asks "Which one? The ripe one or the unripe
one?", some people (like me) have trouble with the
'r', and with some people, it sounds like an 'l'
Teacher: what difference does it make? Just spell
plantain!
Kola: Teasha, If you fly the lipe one na 'DODO',
if you fly the unlipe one na 'SHIPS'
if you loast am, na 'BORLI'
All of them na plantain,
so whish one you wan make I spell?
LONDON ZOO
A Nigerian youngster who was visiting the United
Kingdom for the first time was taken to the London
zoo for sightseeing. On getting to the section
where monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see
other tourists giving out plenty of money to the
monkeys that were hopping around doing
acrobatics. The more the acrobatics, the more the
tourists enjoyed the show and the more the money
(hard currency) the monkeys got.
This young man suddenly had an idea and when he
got back to Nigeria, he started learning all kinds of
acrobatics. He visited his medicine man and asked
for a portion that will transform him into a monkey.
During his next visit to London, he went into the
zoo and took the portion and was transformed into
a monkey. He joined the other monkeys and
started his own type of modern, systematic and
attractive acrobatics. He soon caught the attention
of all the tourists who wasted no time in showering
him with plenty of pounds sterling. He was now
making more money than the real monkeys.
The king of the monkeys didn't like this and
challenged the new monkey to an acrobatic duel.
The contest was tough and very keen but the new
monkey won. The king monkey had to go on exile
in shame but before he left he set a trap for the
intruding monkey who now became the new king.
The next day, monkey business started as usual,
with money coming in from the tourists. There was
this particular tourist who really enjoyed the show
that he threw a lot of money into the cage. The new
king pocketed his money but to his amazement all
the other monkeys threw their earnings into the
adjacent cage. The new king could not comprehend
this and would not allow all that money to go away
like that; so he jumped into the adjacent cage to
pick up the money. It was only when he got there
that he realized it was a lion's cage.
The lion looked at him, looked at the money and
roared and started toward the monkey who was
now sweating, shaking and foaming in the mouth.
Half way, the lion suddenly stopped, looked at the
monkey again and said:
"Oh boy, if no bi say we all na Naija, I for show
you."
Hungry and Broke
There were three men living together in London. An
Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They
were all starving because they didn't have money
to buy food.
However upon coming close to a posh London
restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they
decided to come up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being
seated, he ordered a three course meal with white
wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter
came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I
ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American
shouted! The waiter was very confused because
he could not remember being paid. But because he
did not want to cause any trouble, he let the
brother leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the
same restaurant and ordered a five course meal
with red wine. When he was finished eating, the
waiter came by to collect the money for the food.
"HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID
YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This
time the manager came and had to calm down the
West Indian, because he did not want anything to
upset the other customers. He let the guy go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you
know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette,
and ordered the most expensive meal on the
menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he had
finished, the waiter came to collect the money for
the meal, But before the Nigerian could say
anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been
having all sorts of problems all day and I can't
understand it. Two other people like you came in
earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but
I don't remember getting any money from them so,
" Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted,
rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU
OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST
WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!"
NNA, IYON AND KANABAR
An Akwa Ibom passenger once boarded a bus in
Lagos. The bus driver was an Ijaw man and the
conductor was a Calabar man.
The Akwa Ibom man said to the bus conductor, "Ah
de ko ori oro."
The conductor then told the driver, "Idi-oro wa O."
On the way, the bus had a flat tire. The Ijaw man
then told his conductor, "Zackson, get the zack,
make you put the spare tire. Make you no allow us
sleep for road in Nagos O."
The conductor cracked up in laughter, "Oka Yohn,
you dey call yack Zack, You no know say dem no
go understand you for Dagos."
One Igbo man then disembarked the bus in anger
and exclaimed, "Ekolo Gbeja mi, Malu fo soke."